Is this yet another entry, you ask? Why, yes it is!

Greetings, folks. I'm sorry, but I have to leave on a voyage across the seven seas, so I don't have time to write a blog like I usually do. Instead, I present you with a story for your reading pleasure. It's by a good friend of mine, and I hope you enjoy!

The Best Coconut

by Matt Pacey

There once was a boy, and he lived in the woods. the woods were often dark and scary, especially when the sun was hidden by the old brown pines. The old brown pines were not the boy's friends, and in fact, they would consider themselves to be the enemies of this young lad. You see, the pines did not enjoy this boy's company. He often used the trunks of the trees to suspend his hammock, whereupon he would lay there sipping lemon juice out of a half coconut shell. Do not ask me where he got this coconut shell in a temperate zone, but he had it, and it was his favourite coconut of all.

One day, he was lying on his hammock, but he could not find his coconut, into which he had recently squeezed the juice of not one, not two, but three juicy forest-lemons. He asked the squirrel if he'd seen the coconut, but since squirrels can't talk he recieved no reply, although the squirrel did offer him an acorn, which he respectfully declined. He asked a swarm of bees if they had seen his coconut, but they decided to sting him and chase him away, for bees are not very sociable creatures. Finally, he asked a pine.

'Have you seen my coconut?' he asked.

'Why ye... NO! I do not believe that I have seen your coconut,' replied the surly old plant, spitting sap all over the boy as he spoke out of a particularly large knothole.

'Without my coconut, I am sad,' said the boy.

'Now that you mention it,' said the tree, 'I believe some butterflies stole it.'

'Butterflies?'

'Yes, butterflies. A whole swarm. They were drinking the sweet nectar of your forest-lemons, when they became trapped beneath the coconut shell, after it was flipped over by a gang of bees. They are quite the menaces, those bees.'

'But where did my coconut go?' the boy queried.

'The butterflies flew it away of course. I believe it is somewhere in that direction,' replied the tree, aiming a gnarled grey branch in the general direction of that way.

'Tree, I appreciate your help. Unless you aren't helping me, then I hate you,' said the boy, walking all the way over there, through many twists and turns, through nearly impassable terrain composed of brambles, bushes, and thorny plants of all shapes and sizes. Occasionally, a needly pine branch made an unpleasant brush across his face.

He walked and walked but did not find his coconut. He realized that the tree was not being helpful at all. It must have all been a ruse to get the boy away from the tree so the tree could drink the coconut himself! He decided to go back, and have a talk with the tree, but he didn't know where he was! He had become lost in the forest. How would he get back? He sat and wondered for a while, pondering a way of making a compass from thorny plants and pine needles, when he saw a passing herd of butterflies!

'I wonder where they are going? he wondered. Then he remembered how much butterflies love the sweet taste of freshly squeezed forest lemon! They could be on their way to wherever that nasty pine had put his coconut! So, running, he followed the butterflies as they skimmed over the surface of the nearly impassable terrain, over hill and valley, until they were back at the foot of the pine. The pine sat there, sipping on the sweet sweet lemon juice, holding it out of reach of boy and butterfly alike.

'I don't appreciate your vile ruse!' stated the boy. 'I would appreciate the return of my personal property!'

'Silly boy,' he said. 'Not even a large canteloupe could get this lemon juice away from me!'

All of a sudden, from amongst the foliage of a poplar, an acorn whizzed through the air, hitting the pine right above the knothole.

'Silly squirrel!' was the tree's response. 'You think you can foil me? A simple acorn will not stop a mighty pine!'

What the pine did not know was that the impact had dislodged a large bees' nest that was sitting amongst its branches. It fell to the forest floor with a crash, sending bees flying everywhere! The pine dropped the coconut, which the boy promptly recovered, before running to the poplar where his squirrel friend was hiding.

A cry of 'help me! I'm allergic!' could be heard from the direction of the knotty old evergreen.

'It seems as though you found a good use for that acorn,' said the boy, as they sipped from the coconut shell its delicious golden contents, right before the bees came flying after them and they ran for their lives into the woods.

FIN.

The moral of the story: Although they may sometimes be helpful, bees are not your friends!

---Bon Voyage,
Uncle Travelling Matt