Mr Funnyhead
Mr Funnyhead, by either Joel D'amour, Matthew Pacey, or both. I really have no idea. I found this in a binder full of old stuff from school.
There was a man in Growers Hill that ate a dog. He was a crazy guy and killed the dog, but a car ran into him. He was taken to the hospital and put into an operation room to remove the dog's head from his neck and shoulder where it had become imbedded. He escaped from the hospital, avoiding hte surgery, having killed three doctors with his bare feet. He ran into the night with his strange-looking new head stuck close to his face.
Eventually, the dog's head began to salivate because it was still alive, and had started to grow in his neck. The dog's head was horribly misshapen, and grew large jagged fangs. It eventually ate the man's head while he was sleeping, thus becoming the sole owner of the body. Bits of the man's brain did not digest in the stomach, but instead began to grow in the body's appendix, where it would think all the time. The dog's head contracted a virus and grew mold spores, making it mutate in the strangest ways. It drooled constantly, and had to walk backwards, since that was how the head had become planted to the body.
It could not bark or speak, so it sat around with it's head turning to an ugly puke green color. The dog itched and felt uncomfortable and hungry, so it went next door to get some eggs to cook an omlette, but scared the shit out of the girl who answered the door instead.
The girl was screaming in terror so the creature bit off her head and swallowed it whole. The head settled in the appendix and reattached it's neck near the original brain, and the two spoke telepathically to each other. They fell in love.
The dog's head began to crop up with spewing spores as it raided the kitchen. Now the head had lost all its fur. It stank. It was almost perfectly round from the swelling and the bumps, and the eyes bugged out, imploringly.
Realizing that it didn't know how to cook, the dog ate the rest of the girl's body and went back to its house.
When the girl's parents got home, they found her foot in the mailbox where the dog had clumsily tried to hide it. They called the police, and since the dog's home was the only house in the area, the police checked there. They found the door open and there was a horrible stench.
The dog was siting in the couch, dead. As the police moved closer to it, there was a sound murmuring within its stomach. A girl's voice was saying gleefully, "I'm the new head!"
There was a man in Growers Hill that ate a dog. He was a crazy guy and killed the dog, but a car ran into him. He was taken to the hospital and put into an operation room to remove the dog's head from his neck and shoulder where it had become imbedded. He escaped from the hospital, avoiding hte surgery, having killed three doctors with his bare feet. He ran into the night with his strange-looking new head stuck close to his face.
Eventually, the dog's head began to salivate because it was still alive, and had started to grow in his neck. The dog's head was horribly misshapen, and grew large jagged fangs. It eventually ate the man's head while he was sleeping, thus becoming the sole owner of the body. Bits of the man's brain did not digest in the stomach, but instead began to grow in the body's appendix, where it would think all the time. The dog's head contracted a virus and grew mold spores, making it mutate in the strangest ways. It drooled constantly, and had to walk backwards, since that was how the head had become planted to the body.
It could not bark or speak, so it sat around with it's head turning to an ugly puke green color. The dog itched and felt uncomfortable and hungry, so it went next door to get some eggs to cook an omlette, but scared the shit out of the girl who answered the door instead.
The girl was screaming in terror so the creature bit off her head and swallowed it whole. The head settled in the appendix and reattached it's neck near the original brain, and the two spoke telepathically to each other. They fell in love.
The dog's head began to crop up with spewing spores as it raided the kitchen. Now the head had lost all its fur. It stank. It was almost perfectly round from the swelling and the bumps, and the eyes bugged out, imploringly.
Realizing that it didn't know how to cook, the dog ate the rest of the girl's body and went back to its house.
When the girl's parents got home, they found her foot in the mailbox where the dog had clumsily tried to hide it. They called the police, and since the dog's home was the only house in the area, the police checked there. They found the door open and there was a horrible stench.
The dog was siting in the couch, dead. As the police moved closer to it, there was a sound murmuring within its stomach. A girl's voice was saying gleefully, "I'm the new head!"
posted by Forkimified at 5:55 PM
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